Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
