I'm lost and stupid without you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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