There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
