Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
