You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
