He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
