my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
