Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
