Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
