Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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