He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
