thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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