did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
