I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
