One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
