im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
