How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
