so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
