plz talk dirty to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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