Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
