mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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