Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
