his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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