youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
