YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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