He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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