is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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