ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
