Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
