Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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