ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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