so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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