woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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