just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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