I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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