Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
