you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
