My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
