I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm really busy with my period
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