dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
