Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
false alarm, still single
Randomize
