The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
