You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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