Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.