Moan for me like Helen Keller
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart