You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they need to just BURY HIM!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.