Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.