I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
