What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
