there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
