My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
