No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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