hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
