question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
