She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
