This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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