I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
