can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
