I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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