Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
