spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
