i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
