I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
