The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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