think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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