then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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