i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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