when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
