So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
