she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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