He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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