Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
