im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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