y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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