an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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